Narcissistic Emotional Abusers Accuse You of Their Own Dastardly Deeds - Dr. Denise Dart

Narcissistic Emotional Abusers Accuse You of Their Own Dastardly Deeds

Two faceless character, one pointing the finger at the other who is blocking their ears.

Emotionally abusive partners are known to hide behind false allegations and righteous indignation. When trying to make sense of the madness of a toxic relationship it can be helpful to remind yourself a simple  irrefutable truth: NARCISSISTS LIE & PROJECT.

This is just another way of saying that what the narcissistic emotional abuser accuse you of the bad behavior they are guilty of.

  • Your abuser lies….and calls you a liar.
  • Your abuser cheats….and accuses you of being unfaithful.
  • Your abuser rages…and accuses you of being out of control.
  • Your stalks you after a breakup….and threatens to your attorney to tell the Court that you’re stalking him (even though you blocked all means of contact to protect yourself from him)
  • Your abuser gaslights and accuses you of being crazy.
  • Your abuser insists you check in constantly to PROVE you are doing what you say you are doing. 

Sound familiar? When the Love Bombing stops and the narcissist’s mask begin falls it is common for the victim to be accused of all the dastardly deed the narcissist has either thought of doing or has actually done. 

A narcissistic emotional abuser maintains their control over you by setting you up to feel you have to prove your innocence to them over and over again. Many, if not most, victims of narcissistic emotional abuse believe all they have to do is give evidence of their love and devotion and the controlling, irrational jealousy will stop. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.

Narcissistic emotional abusers intentionally set up on relationship landmine after another. If your “prove” you are faithful, they will shift the script and accuse you of being ungrateful or selfish. A relationship with a controlling abuser is intentionally set up to make you believe that you have to continually try harder and harder or do a more and more to prove your love and devotion.

The sad truth is that your efforts will not make a meaningful difference in a toxic relationship; which is a zero sum game. If you feel secure, happy, and safe, an emotional abuser believes they have lost their edge and control over you. 

A narcissist, sociopath or other toxic abuser commonly describes themselves to you and others as the antithesis of who they actually are. They commonly divulge their friend’s secrets to you as a means of creating a smoke screen to hide their own deceitful behavior.

  • I’m the most loyal husband spouse could have.
  • Can you believe David sexted for 10 years with that woman? You are so lucky you are with me. 
  • Mark (who is married) was out all night and came home just before we had to leave for the airport. Of course, I didn’t go. 

Learning everything you can about narcissistic projection will help you not only not take the allegations personally, but will also give you insight into exactly what your abuser is thinking and doing. Check out this video on projection and the others on my YouTube Channel. 



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Dr. Denise Dart

Dr. Denise Dart is a transformational consultant on a mission to educate and empower women to recognize, break free, and recover from toxic emotionally abusive relationships. Through education and advocacy she works tirelessly to empower individuals with the knowledge and skills necessary to avoid abusive relationships once and for all.

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